Wanking History:  Puberty, 1997-2003, 2006-2007
  "Kickin' Back" by L.T.D.
  "You buy a hat like this I'll bet you get a free bowl of soup!"  (Al Czervik in the Pro Shop with Mr. Wang)
Strengths:  Big hitter; unstoppable pelvic thrust, knows how to handle his shaft.
Weaknesses:  Can't seem to "turn it off"; bigger public nuisance than a skateboarder; lives in parents' basement.

When did I first get the calling?
 When I rolled my car, back in 1989, I suffered a concussion and woke up in ER feeling an urge to
breakdance.  The doctors later said that I had been convulsing, but I remember everthing, including the RNs standing around in a circle clapping and orderlies swaying back and forth with their arms
waving in the air.  I think the doctors were just intimidated and did not want to acknowledge my skill.

Who were my earliest influences?
As the start of my breakdancing career was rather spontaneous, I do not remember being influenced by any particular performers, but I try to integrate advertising I witnessed while watching TBS from 1983-1987 into my routines.  Some examples include my Kool-Aid Man wall crash and Where's the beef? backspin.  Although infrequent, I sometimes employ moves based on advertisements for chldren's toys such as "Herself the Elf" and the "Transformers".

What message do I have for kids who are thinking of picking up the Skanky lifestyle...
Don't tell your parents!  Also, don't expect to make a lot of friends by being skanky.  In fact, some people may find you quite offensive.  As long as you love yourself (and the myriad smells you emit) you will succeed.

The best thing about being a Skanky Wanker is...
the chicks.  During the last tourney we had these two skanky women who followed us all over the
place.  I mean, they were desperate.  They smelled bad too, and were obnoxious big time.  They were obscene, but it was wonderful.

The worst thing about being a Skanky Wanker is...
the drinking.  I think I consumed more espresso in one weekend than I had in the entire preceeding year.  Geez, these guys are hardcore.  But, if you wanna be skanky there are some things you just have to do.

My favorite memory of the tourney is...
getting First Place before the tourney even started.

The thing I wish I could do over is...
bust a move on the fifth hole while "weekend warriors" speed by on the highway.

Next year I will...
bust a move on the fifth hole while weekend warriors speed by on the highway.

Next year the team should...
bust moves on the fifth hole while aforementioned warriors speed by on the highway.

Team theme song - 
"Excuse Me Comrade, But Can You Bust A Move?" by Vladmir and the Volganites.

Team smell - 
A combination of sweat, dirty laundry, flatulance, reproductive hormones, and pine.

Team mascot - 
A mean, viscious, nasty-smelling, skanky baboon.

Team STD - 
Pubic lice.

If I was to sandbag one team member in hopes of bringing in a ringer, it would be...